Saturday Night Dinner Party

My beau Tom informed me that his friend Bill from California was in town and he’d like me to meet him on Saturday night. Tom also wanted to invite his friend Mary, along with a co-worker and her husband Karen and Howard. Can you say Paaaatay?

Ok, sounds like a plan — or a mini-bash. Where too? The North End — one of Tom’s favorite haunts! Sounds like a plan — except I know my boyfriend — this street party will set him back several ben franklins and it’s supposed to pour cats and dogs on Saturday night. Let’s face, I don’t want to be traipsing around Bean Town in heels and bad hair. So, what do I suggest?

A nice dinner party at my place!

On Friday, I sent Diana (my au pair) out to Costco for the best beef tenderloin on the market, along with a medley of fruit items, etc. On Saturday, after having the hair lazered off my face (don’t ask — when you get to be my age, you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about), I ran to Trade Joe’s and Verrill Farm near my house to pick up — appetizers and a variety of other necessary items. Ok I took the easy way out and bought the olive something or other that I thought would be a great bruschetta, along with tortilla chips, corn chile, black bean dip and salsa. The main meal consisted of grilled steak and chicken, red bliss baby potato salad thanks to chopped celery stalk, scallions, and a tub of Tzaikki and some plain yogurt thrown in. I also made my famous Quinoa, red kidney bean, black bean, and white baby corn (complements of Trader Joes — frozen food section), and a huge platter of hot house tomatoes with fresh basil and bought a tub of marinated mozzarella balls thrown in. Remember, Karen is a vegetarian — don’t you know. Finally, I whipped up three bags of spinach, with two cans of artichoke hearts (halved) and sauteed in olive oil with a 1/2 teaspoon of crushed garlic.

Naturally, I made Tom who suffers from indigestion and heart burn the artichoke and spinach, along with the potato salad with no garlic or onions respectively. Are you feeling the love, cause I’m not sure Tommy boy is? Verrill Farms has the most amazing strawberry rhubarb pie on the planet and I topped off with vanilla ice cream — it was a synch! At least that’s what Tom thought. Are Tom’s friends happy — think so given the response and the e-mail thank yous. Am I out a few Ben Franklins and need of an extra few hours of sleep — oh yah baby, oh yah!

“Am I Bitter?”

I got a call from my boyfriend Tom last night after he left his therapy session. With not so much as a hello, he posed the question after I answered the phone with, “Do you think I’m bitter?”

Then, he explained that after sharing his opinion of one of his closest friends break up and subsequent affair with a woman nearly half his age to his therapist — that his therapist thought he might be “bitter.”

Tom’s opinion was that when his friend suggested that this beautiful young woman would never again find the intimacy and connection with anyone else that she experienced with Tom’s friend — Tom’s reply was, “of course she will John, we all think that, and then they all move on — we’re all replaceable.”

Tom’s therapist found this to be a bit bitter and encouraged Tom to dig deeper into his negativity! Luckily Tom’s therapist doesn’t have to date Tom. I say this is the case only 50% of the time — when Tom discusses his desire to NOT get married again constantly as if trying to drill his point home, ruminates over ghosts of girlfriends past, and plays devils advocate in situations related to self-improvement, relationships and other related topics — I would say that Tom is in fact, a bit bitter? Yes indeedy, I would. Now mind you, the confusion comes in because the other 50% of the time, Tom is fun, up for anything, light heart-ed, very social and overall has a good time and is a good sport about most things — including my friend’s six-year-old niece vomiting all over the interior of my car.

Fortunately for Tom, he’s dating someone who doesn’t want to get married (alimony was negotiated until death do us part), doesn’t mention past loves and is generally agreeable and crazy about this man! Oh, she’s also 14 years his junior — which I’m assuming doesn’t stink (suck) when you’re 60!

Needless to say, he was probably a bit bitter that he even called to pose the question, when I gave it to him straight up!

I just saved my BF 3K on his AmEx bill!

Ok, just saying, I get no respect — as Rodney Dangerfield would say.  My BF — as in boyfriend, Tom was delighted to share the good news with me that he came WAY under his allotted $7500 AmEx allowance he gives himself for entertainment this month — by about $3K.

Forgiveness is for tough broads

Forgive me if you will, and I do hope you will, but forgiveness is a tough thing to do.  Believe me – I know firsthand.

In 2004, after 16 years of marriage (many of them in an abusive relationship), I finally called 911. I was blindsided, however, when my husband met police at my door and convinced them that I did not fit the profile of an abused spouse, despite my call for help.  Believe it or not, I was arrested and spent a few hours at my local police station.  In that instant, my marriage of 16+ years was effectively over.

Days later, he was involved with someone else and our legal battles (divorce proceedings) began.  I was stressed to the max, attempting to maintain my sanity in the midst of the chaos of managing a household, three small children, and my business – all with little financial support and no communication between my estranged husband and myself.

Within 10 short months, in May of 2005, the stress I was under finally took its toll.  I landed at my local ER with extreme nausea, weakness, and in great need of medical help.  Thankfully, I was transferred the next day to a major Boston medical facility where I was immediately placed in the Intensive Care Unit.  Within a few days I was informed I was experiencing liver failure and would need a liver transplant, just before falling into a two-month coma.

Fortunately, I was the recipient of a non-compatible blood type organ of a 21-year-old young woman from Appalachia, VA, who passed away the night before my transplant from complications of a car accident.  I coded twice during the surgery –once for more than two minutes when they discovered a blood clot in my new liver and had to remove it to check for other clots and re-transplant.  My family was told I wouldn’t be the same cognitively and may need long-term care.  To make matters potentially worse, during a routine CT scan they detected an abscess on my brain and contacted my parents for their approval on emergency brain surgery – all while I was still in a coma.

According to Wikipedia’s definition of forgiveness, the term is defined as “the process of concluding resentment, indignation or anger as a result of a perceived offense, difference or mistake, and/or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution.”

I clearly remember a pity party I was holding for myself when I expressed my suicidal desires to my parents (my caretakers at the time) and all that I wanted to return to normal.  I wanted the status quo again: my health back, my kids, my home, my ability to work.  But on and on through the sobbing, my dad said, “Nancy – your only job right now is to get better.  If you don’t get better, nothing else matters.”

I can’t say I accepted his advice without resentment the moment it was uttered, but within a few days, I began to try to think about what I was grateful for.  I was grateful I didn’t have to do anything but lay on that sofa and rest, eat what I could (that I didn’t have to make for myself), wasn’t responsible for the day-to-day tasks of taking care of my beautiful children (because I was clearly unable to do so), and on and on grew my list of things to be grateful for.
Over time, gratitude leads to forgiveness, and today, I frequently comment to many in my life that I am grateful to my ex-husband, as he is still and always will be the father of my three beautiful children.  He’s more involved now as a father than he ever was before, and I’m grateful to him for that.  He’s an excellent provider, and we agree on most things related to our children and what’s best for them.

After 16 months – several of which were in the hospital, rehabilitation and numerous return trips, after losing my health, custody of my three children, and my ability to work and take care of myself – I finally returned to the town I had spent 15 years in and was home to my children before I had become ill.  I rented an apartment and saw my children every afternoon after school and had dinner with them, then returned to my apartment to regain my strength and rest and looked forward to seeing them again the next day.

The Chinese symbol of crisis is comprised of two characters.  One is opportunity; the other is danger.  When experiencing a life crisis – as I did during those few years, including separation, divorce, betrayal, illness, near death, medical complications, loss of my home, ability to work and live independently, and on and on – it’s difficult to see where the opportunity lies.

Today, though, I can honestly say that I am grateful for the experience (although I wouldn’t want to re-live a day of it).  It has provided me with greater compassion for others and what they go through, and it has created a path for me to experience forgiveness and act in ways that show my forgiveness to others – namely my ex-husband.

“The practice of forgiveness is our most important contribution to the healing of the world.”

Marianne Williamson

“He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love.”

Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr. (1029 – 1968)

Get Yourself a New Career

For those of you who haven’t held a “real” job since you were in college – fear not.

Anyone who’s managed a husband, house, and children is uniquely qualified for a variety of new professions.  I will tell you, most of our estranged spouses couldn’t qualify for our multi-tasking adventures.

Take an assessment of all of your management tools, resources, and spread the word about getting back into the work force.  Networking truly is the key.

You can do it!

For those of you who have been working all these years, watch how you express your situation in the work place.  Put your game face on and vent to just your friends.  Do not talk to co-workers or your boss about your situation.

New Career

For those of you who haven’t held a “real” job since you were in college – fear not.

Anyone who’s managed a husband, house, and children is uniquely qualified for a variety of new professions.  I will tell you, most of our estranged spouses couldn’t qualify for.

Take an assessment of all of your management tools, resources, and spread the word about getting back into the work force.  Networking truly is the key.

You can do it! For those of you who have been working all these years, watch how you express your situation in the work place.  Put your game face on and vent to just your friends.  Do not talk to co-workers or your boss about your situation.New

Paging Steve Carrell

Now Paging Steve Carell

I insist, and believe, that Steve and I are spiritually connected.  He is, after all, married to a Nancy.

If I can’t have him to myself, I resign that his relationship to a Nancy is adequate.

Sigh.

Call me crazy, but those dark days spent in the ICU, were a little easier watching NBC’s The Office.  I’m convinced the nursing staff thought I was nuts due to the hysterical laughing that would emanate from 5A every Thursday night.

Steve isn’t my normal “type,” but his character’s dim-witted sense of self, is a massive turn on!I relish thinking that this guy actually grew up one town away from where I currently live, and he attended the posh private schools of Concord!  It kills me!

My friend Marilee has clued me in to his digs in Marshfield.  It’s all entirely too likely that I will head over to scope him out!

Crushes are so invigorating and refreshing right?